Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Semen is not good for contacts.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
