this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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