Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
