A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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