Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
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I need you to use more vowels.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
