You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
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She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How does one acquire holy water?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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