omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
