I think I died a long time ago.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
