it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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