I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
