got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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