It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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