I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
