so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
