I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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