It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
