FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
