jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
