phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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