just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
