DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
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the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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