just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
