O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
