Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
