Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
