She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
