Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize