I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
