Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
