Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have tasted many bathrooms
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
