Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
