Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
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You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
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I could fuck to npr.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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