he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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