Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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