Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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