What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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