I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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