Screwed.edu
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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