no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
