She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
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I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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