remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
