We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
