I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
