this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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