omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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