He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
