There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
