I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
