I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
