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think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
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