i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
