I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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