Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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