i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
