Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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