you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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