Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
