I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Drunk is not a location!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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