Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
