I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
