Christians are straight up FREAKS
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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