Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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