You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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