you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
